Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Haply I Think on Thee

Sonnet 29
William Shakespeare

When, in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries
And look upon myself and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featured like him, like him with friends possess'd,
Desiring this man's art and that man's scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least;
in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on thee, and then my state,
Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate;
For thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.

Chapter 5 is behind me. I'm stumped on Chapter 6. I've reached a stage where I need technical information that is not currently available to me. I have a source that I am thinking of interviewing for this chapter that perhaps can shed some light on the information I need, but unfortunately he won't be available until Thursday or Friday. So, I am going to skip over Chapter 6 and move to Chapter 7. Since I have my trusty outline, this will be no big deal--unless some logistical detail escapes me. But you can always rewrite, as I am sure this will be necessary anyway.

Every time I put the computer away I am drawn back to it. I cannot seem to rest until I get the story down. But unlike my other writing projects, this one is a much longer work. So I am forced to pace myself, fighting the urge to write when I am overly tired or distracted. Still, I have this sense of urgency about it, like my very future hangs on the completion of this one thing. I know it is illogical. I know it that so much time is involved in the process. I know that once I complete it, there will be at least three rewrites before I can even hope to be picked up by a publisher. I know all this. And yet, the urgency still exists.

I am thinking that it is my lack of purpose at this stage of my life, the lack of a 9-5 job. I should be out pounding the pavement. I know this. I search the classified daily. I applied for a position over the weekend. I went yesterday and inquired about a position. It is not like I am not trying. It seems at every turn the door is shut in my face. I keep asking God why. I keep telling him that my situation is dire. I keep telling Him that something has to change, and fast. But of course He already knows this. At night when I go to sleep, I pray that the next day will bring good news. Every day I wake up I hope for something. I look for something. And it is as if the heavens have closed their doors and windows shut, and are oblivious to my cries. I know this is not the case. It just feels that way. Thankfully, our future is not determined by what we feel, but who we know.

And thankfully, Shakespeare, my God is not deaf nor blind to my plight. And as my son's Veggie Tale CD so beautifully reminds me, "God is bigger than the boogie man or the monsters on TV." "For Thy sweet love, (O Lord) remembered such wealth brings..."


Anonymous said...

For I Know the plans I Have for you," declares the LORD, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and seek me and find me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
Jeremiah 29:11-13
I love you!

Lisa said...

God will show you the way!! Keep praying and listen for his voice to lead you along the way. He will not leave you!

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