Saturday, January 07, 2006

Eye Candy

While searching online for writing jobs I came across this site: http:\\ It's a lingerie site for full-figured women. They want someone to write product descriptions for their website as well as 500-1000 word fiction for their newsletter. Well, being the hippy, curvy kind of woman I am, I couldn't resist sending them some writing samples.

First I pulled up selections of their lingerie. There were some really pretty slinky gowns on this site. There was silk, satin, and lace. Just the kind of stuff us girls love to wear when we want to feel pretty. The first product description was easy to write. It was your basic long, silk gown with side slits and deep v neck. Then, I pulled up a red hot corset. I smiled to myself as I imagined me wearing it. Who knows, if I'm good, maybe they will give me a discount? Still, I made I up a hot description for the item listed and moved on. The next item was black vinyl--what I would call "kinky." I raised an eyebrow and continued to write. There was even a men's section. Imagine my expression as I pulled up a leopard print bikini cut pair of briefs. I imagined my husband in them. I kept my comments to myself, and typed out a hopefully convincing description: ANIMAL PRINT MESH BRIEF (MEN)

Want to bring out his wilder instincts? This leopard or zebra print mesh mens brief will leave you purring like a kitten with its form fitting rear and spandex contoured pouch. HOT!

Ok, you can pick your jaw up off the floor now.

Then, I moved on to the 500 word story. They said they wanted to create sexual tension without using explicit graphic content. "I can do this," I thought. So I proceeded to tell a short tale of your everyday married couple that has gotten a bit set in their ways. They have a spat over the husband complaining about the wife's tatty flannel jammies. So, the wife decides to get even. She goes to and orders a long, black dress with a deep plunging neckline held together by a rhinestone buckle and open to the floor. The matching tap shorts beneath would surely make his eyes pop. I finished the story and sent it off in the email...thinking....could this possibly turn into a regular gig? I wish I could tell you the answer, but I haven't heard back from them. It's only been a couple of days or so.

I hope they like my work. The thing is, can I live with myself when my family and friends ask, "And what are you doing for work these days?" Can I smile and say, "I write ad copy for a lingerie company? I enjoy describing intimiate garments." At this point in my life, I'm sure I would say, "I found this great writing job. It's right up my alley, and I have plenty of material for it." Keep your fingers crossed.

One last note: My brother-in-law thinks I need to add naked lady pics to my blog to get more traffic. Sex sells, he says. Well, I don't have any naked lady pics. I don't have any gorgeous model type women flaunting their bare breasted nipples or tightly toned legs. I don't have any women posing seductively for hot, tight camera shots and sucking their fingers. I don't have any pics of strippers seductively humping a dance pole. But I do know where you can get your own dance has one on sale. Yep, that's right. My eyes nearly bugged out of my head when I saw it. Imagine the product description on that baby. Maybe I'll get one for my 10th anniversary.

But I ramble. I know this may seem a bit raunchy for my regular readers. I suppose it is a clever attempt to include in my post as many "naughty" words that an unsuspecting surfer might include in a search engine. My blog might pop up. I might get new readers. Who knows, the editors of hipsandcurves might even stop by for a gander. Maybe if they don't like my writing, I could apply for a position modeling. Wouldn't that just raise some eyebrows...


Anonymous said...

maybe you can also do some product testing and try out one of those dance poles
for yourself. Maybe uncle ken can install it for you. It can't be much different than that swing set he put up for you.

Anonymous said...

Hey, anonymous, I checked that out and they have like a 250 lb weight limit. LOL. Maybe YOU better do the product testing.

Anonymous said...

maybe his wilder side would come out more if you swung on another pole more often

C. H. Green said...

I'll take it under advisement.

Lisa said...

You are toooooo funny!!