I Just Need Some Peace

I've been holding back from posting. Sometimes things are just too close to the surface for me to be objective. And sometimes, well many times, I wallow in self-pity to the point where even I don't want to hear what I have to say. And sometimes I don't even want to hear what God has to say. That may be shocking to you. That may shake your belief in me somewhat. I don't know. But I know we are all human. And I know we all have fears, problems, and questions. My sisters and I have always deemed it "The Family Curse." Suffering is to be expected. Trials are a given. Burdens a part of life. Maybe Sista Cala can give us some insight on generational curses. But that is beside my point...which is, well at this hour I forget.

The one thing I do know is that we are called to bear one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ. (Galatians 6:2). The law of Christ. What did He say? He said to love the Lord thy God with all your heart and to love your neighbor as yourself. Sometimes it's not the neighbors I have trouble loving. It's the one I share my life with. And don't pretend I didn't say that. I did. Sometimes I think, why can't I rely on him to share these burdens with me? Where have we gone amiss? Is it that we do not love one another enough? Or that we are not loving God as we ought? And if we cannot "gee-haw" as they say here in the South, and we're always at cross purposes and on different roads and reading different pages of different books, then what is left?

There has been a lot of soul searching going on the past week my friends. And I cannot say that it has been good. It has been grueling. Gut wrenching. Tearing me up inside. And all I know to do is pray. And pray. And pray til the answer comes.
There is a place where I find peace. And that is where I run when things get rough.
Sometimes I cry like a baby. And other times I just rest in the shelter of His wings. I have to find that place. I cannot afford to lose out with God. He has rescued me so many times. He has been with me through all kinds of circumstances. He has never left me. I do love God with all my heart. I hope that you've been around here long enough to know at least that much.

But I need your help. I've been too proud to ask, too ashamed to admit I can't handle these things on my own. Those of you who believe in prayer, and I know there are many...say one for me and my marriage today. And that God would grant me serenity to change the things I can, accept the things I cannot, and the wisdom to know the difference. I love you all.