Thermostat Wars--er,um, Woes

Three days into 2008 and here I sit, wrapped up like a water pipe in a well house. Reminds me of the good old days when if you didn't wrap the pipes, you had a serious problem on your hands and ended up hauling water 5 gallons at a time from a neighbor's home in sub freezing temperatures. Not fun. And it was even worse if the pipes burst at thawing. Then you were hauling for days until a plumber showed up. If your power lines had snapped from ice forming on them, you had an even longer wait. At times the only saving grace was having gas heat. Especially during that big ice storm about 15 or so years back.

And yes, there were even times when the gas ran out in the dead of winter. What fun. No floor furnace. No oven. No hot water. Assuming your water lines weren't frozen to begin with as stated above. Winters sure were an adventure at our house growing up. To this day I cannot face the frigid temps of January without a bit of trepidation, without saying a little prayer that all my worldy comforts would not fail. Yes, I am grateful for them all, God. I may be spoiled, but I know enough to be grateful for my spoiling.

I am grateful for warm blankets, sweater socks, coffeemakers, and my wonderful central heating and air that keeps the indoor atmosphere a toasty 75 degrees. Yes, you heard me right, 75. Hubby tends to sneak behind my back to adjust it cooler but generally I win--even though he adamantly protests that he can only take off so many clothes and that I can always put more on. Fine, I tell him, run around naked. Don't bother me a bit. You get hot, go the garage for 5 minutes. In 11 years of marriage he has learned that you can't win that argument with me. He who pays the utilities controls the thermostat. Period. End of story.

After all, my fat nubby little digits can't seem to hit the right keys when they are frozen. I get paid by the line. The slower I go, the less I make. You can't type with gloves on, I protest. And besides, do you want to want my Raynaud's to act up? "Raynaud's? Oh, likely story," he guffaws. But it's no laughing matter. Cold causes me pain. Pain causes me to be grouchy. And when I'm grouchy, everyone is miserable. "So there," I reply, "you can sit around with your naked sweaty butt and pout all day, but the thermostat stays put!" And with that I trot back to my lovely office, wrap my blankets around my chubby thighs, warm my fingers on my steaming mug of coffee and get back to my typing--all the while listening for his heavy footfalls in the hall trying to be quiet as he edges toward the thermostat. All I can say is, for his own good, there better be an early thaw.

I Just Need Some Peace

I've been holding back from posting. Sometimes things are just too close to the surface for me to be objective. And sometimes, well many times, I wallow in self-pity to the point where even I don't want to hear what I have to say. And sometimes I don't even want to hear what God has to say. That may be shocking to you. That may shake your belief in me somewhat. I don't know. But I know we are all human. And I know we all have fears, problems, and questions. My sisters and I have always deemed it "The Family Curse." Suffering is to be expected. Trials are a given. Burdens a part of life. Maybe Sista Cala can give us some insight on generational curses. But that is beside my point...which is, well at this hour I forget.

The one thing I do know is that we are called to bear one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ. (Galatians 6:2). The law of Christ. What did He say? He said to love the Lord thy God with all your heart and to love your neighbor as yourself. Sometimes it's not the neighbors I have trouble loving. It's the one I share my life with. And don't pretend I didn't say that. I did. Sometimes I think, why can't I rely on him to share these burdens with me? Where have we gone amiss? Is it that we do not love one another enough? Or that we are not loving God as we ought? And if we cannot "gee-haw" as they say here in the South, and we're always at cross purposes and on different roads and reading different pages of different books, then what is left?

There has been a lot of soul searching going on the past week my friends. And I cannot say that it has been good. It has been grueling. Gut wrenching. Tearing me up inside. And all I know to do is pray. And pray. And pray til the answer comes.
There is a place where I find peace. And that is where I run when things get rough.
Sometimes I cry like a baby. And other times I just rest in the shelter of His wings. I have to find that place. I cannot afford to lose out with God. He has rescued me so many times. He has been with me through all kinds of circumstances. He has never left me. I do love God with all my heart. I hope that you've been around here long enough to know at least that much.

But I need your help. I've been too proud to ask, too ashamed to admit I can't handle these things on my own. Those of you who believe in prayer, and I know there are many...say one for me and my marriage today. And that God would grant me serenity to change the things I can, accept the things I cannot, and the wisdom to know the difference. I love you all.

Walk in Love

Heard an awesome sermon this morning from Bro. Steve Gallimore. His scripture was Ephesians 5:2.

1 Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children;
2 And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour.

Bro. Steve's message was on marriage, and he stepped on my toes the entire service. He began his sermon with statistics from the book, HIS NEEDS HER NEEDS, by Willard Harley, Jr. It was interesting to note that according to Harley, a man's first need is sex. A woman's first need is affection, and how this different hierarchy in needs causes miscommunication and problems in marriages. He also used the story of the Israelites making the golden calf in the wilderness after Moses went up on the Mount to receive the ten commandments.

Exodus 32:23 For they said unto me, Make us gods, which shall go before us: for as for this Moses, the man that brought us up out of the land of Egypt, we wot not what is become of him.
32:24 And I said unto them, Whosoever hath any gold, let them break it off. So they gave it me: then I cast it into the fire, and there came out this calf.
32:25 And when Moses saw that the people were naked; (for Aaron had made them naked unto their shame among their enemies:)

Isn't it interesting to note that Aaron, when confronted said, " I just threw the gold in the fire, and out came this calf," trying to deny responsibility for his actions. How ridiculous he sounds.

In case you're wondering how this story relates to marriage, let me enlighten you on how it was tied in. The thrust of the message was that the Israelites did not believe that Moses was coming back down from the mountain. The longer he delayed, the more heathenistic they became. They began to make their own gods and their own laws, and they began to "play." Bro. Steve asked us to pretend for a moment that a) Jesus was not coming back, b) That God's word was not true, and c) That God did not exist. This is the way the people of Israel were acting . This is the way the world today is acting -- as if Jesus is not coming back, that the Bible is not true, and that God does not exist. And in our marriages today, a lot of us are living as if we do not truly believe those three things. We get our eyes off God, and we start justifying our way of life.

He began speaking of divorce and why Jesus addressed it in the New Testament. He said, "You may not be married; you may be thinking of being married. You may be engaged; you may be married for years. Some of you have been married many years. Some of you have been married one time, and then things didn't work out, and you got married again. And again. And then again, (counting on his fingers), and then yet again, and let me tell you. You people need help. You need help with how to do this thing called marriage." I had to admire his honesty. He laid it out on the dotted line, even at the risk of alienating his audience.

He talked of opening the lines of communication with our spouses and putting each other first and making our marriages a priority. He talked of getting our relationships with Christ in line and our marriages falling in place. And he ended with the admission that he'd been guilty of not intervening in marriages that had been falling apart, of sitting idly by while they crumbled for fear of offending families. He was humbly repentant, and I admired him when he said he and his associate pastor had made a promise to start visiting these troubled couples in the church, to try to help them save their marriages -- yes, even at the risk of being told to stay out of their business. Yes, even at the risk of losing their friendship. It's called tough love. Sometimes things need to be said. I know I needed to hear what was on his heart today.

God hates divorce. That is plain in the scriptures. He allowed it because of the "hardness of your hearts." He permitted divorce in cases of adultery and abandonment. But Bro. Steve was quick to point out that the majority of divorces are not because of infidelity -- but rather, surprise, surprise, unforgiveness. We can't forgive our spouses. Jesus can forgive our sins, but we can't forgive our spouses' sins. I'm not saying that a person would not have grounds if their spouse was unfaithful. I'm saying we don't always address the deeper issue...us being able to forgive the trespass. Even if the marriage ends in divorce, many people won't let it end there and forgive. They hold onto it forever. We, in America, are quick to look at our marriages as disposable. If it doesn't work out, just throw it away and start over. And that's not what God intended.

I'm far from an expert on this thing called marriage. My husband and I just passed the 10-year mark. We've had a lot of troubled water in our years together, a lot of tragedy and a lot of financial hardship and a lot of just plain old arguments resulting from selfishness and stubborness. I will even admit to you that I have wanted to throw my hands in the air and surrender. Or walk away from it all, even run. I can admit that to you, because it's no secret. I've said those words to my husband. Yet there's something underlying that keeps us together, keeps us trying, keeps us working on this thing called marriage. I believe it is God's spirit working in us to make us what He wants us to become. I believe it is God's stubborn refusal to allow us to destroy this union that has kept us this far. Every time I get consumed with the crazy idea that maybe I'd be better off out of the marriage, God brings something to my heart like this message that tells me, "I put you here. Now you learn what I want you to learn. Do what you know you're supposed to do. Walk in love, Cindy. Walk in love."

Like I've mentioned before, I need to stop trying to be the Holy Spirit and my husband's conscience. I need to work on Cindy, and get out of the way and let God work on Bub. And that's about as transparent as I get folks.

Til next time...Walk in love. http://www.pastors.com/article.asp?ArtID=8607