BEWARE: Construction Zone

My son is sick today. His right ear is bothering him, and I'm debating on what to do. At his last checkup a few weeks ago at Vanderbilt, the doctor said everything looked great. The tubes are beginning to work their way out. I'm wondering if this is the cause of his pain. It's Sunday. I'm medicating him with Ibuprofen and ear drops. I'm thinking if he still has problems in the morning we should see a doctor. But do I take him back to Vanderbilt or to his regular doctor? He went swimming several days last week while we were in the hotel. But that doesn't usually bother him. Any of you moms have experience with tubes? He's going on 7, so I figure it's time they come out, even though he's only had them in a year or so. What to do...**wrings my hands in frustration.

It seems I've lost some regular readers lately. I'm wondering if it's because it's summer or because of my morbid posts. I know for months now I've had many woes to write about -- from financial problems to family emergencies to death in the family. Those aren't easy things to read about. And some of you who stop by here probably think I'm so heavenly minded to be any earthly good. I don't know. Those of you who know me in person have lamented that my blog seems a bit lop-sided. I've even been asked, "Which is the real you?"

Now that bothers me. Because whenever I'm here, I feel that I am totally me. Yes, I'm writing for an audience. Yes, I tend to leave less desirable feelings and attributes to your imagination. Yes, I spiritualize everything. And yes, I do struggle with my more banal human emotions, my fears, my insecurities, and my weaknesses. Yes, my husband and I "fight" sometimes loudly. Yes, I lose my battle with holding my tongue. Yes, I slip and fall. Yes, I sometimes get mad at God. And more often than not, I have days where I just want to hide under the covers. But I'm gonna make it.

And yes, if sometimes when you read you leave confused, know that I, too, am confused. All I know is writing here helps. And having friends here helps. And the real me is in a much needed construction phase. Who knows what the end result will be.