Monday, April 23, 2007

Men


**This is only an opinion of which I am entitled to. If you are offended by the word "penis," stop reading now. If you are male, stop reading now. LOL.

I never had a brother, so understanding guys is a bit of a mystery to me. Now my immediate family consists of a son and a husband, both of which are so much alike and equally hard to figure out that at times I feel out numbered in my own home. They practically have convinced me that there's two channels on the t.v.--ESPN and Disney. The intricate love life of Erica Cain is but a faint memory now, which I'm not so sure is a bad thing.
One thing I've noticed about men is that they rarely notice the floor. It does not matter how spotless it may have been at one time, if they have mud, oil, gum, or dog poo on the bottom of their shoes, it's no big deal. Into the house it comes. It does not matter if you have a hamper for dirty clothes in every room, when you wake up in the morning, you will find dirty underwear most anywhere. They have the uncanny ability to walk over almost anything without tripping or picking it up, but heaven forbid they find their shoes. They're most likely in plain sight, but still I get this question almost every Sunday as we are running late to get to church, "Have you seen my shoes?" Why is it that men appear to be blind to anything from the waist down?
I know this to be true, because too many times my boys have tried to leave the house with socks that either don't match their pants or their shoes. Or their pants don't match their shirt. They never notice untied shoe laces or dirt on their behinds or cuffs, and rarely do they realize their flies are unzipped. And as for the adult male, too many times have I experienced the phenomenon of pupils being fixated on my chest. I don't think a man would ever notice if I had mismatched shoes or socks.
Which leads me to that old saying about men thinking with their penises. Or being led around by them. No wonder they can't multitask or read maps. No wonder women have such a hard time figuring men out. We don't have one. No wonder we can't relate to the need to scratch in public. No wonder they can't understand our need to stop at filling stations instead of peeing beside the road. I'm amazed they ever find their way to a bathroom--or out of the bedroom for that matter. No wonder they have such a hard time understanding us women...they're using the wrong organ. Use your hearts guys. You might be surprised to find it leads to some of the same places with much better results. And your shoes...well they're right where you left them.

p.s. If you want them to do something, just tell them not to...hence, the warning at the top. LOL

5 comments:

Kathleen Marie said...

Oh my gosh, you are so right on and so VERY funny! I am still laughing!

Thanks!

Gretchen said...

:-)

Lee-ann said...

C.H wish this much smile on my face you see I have one too! lol lol (a husband!) O! and two grown blys so I understand as well as most in this position we find ourselves.

You tell it simply as it is that is for sure.
what fun!! men!!
Have a great day.......Lee-ann

Delia said...

Lol! This is so very true!

sloggy said...

This got me chuckling.