Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Getting it Off my Chest

I want to clarify a few things with this post. First of all, I do different types of writing. It all depends on what is going on in my world and what inspires me. And while this blog is a reflection of me, it does not represent the totality of who I am. Here you get my best foot forward. Here you get my inspiring moments, my philosophical moments my good days...and some of my bad days. And just because you get my best foot forward most of the time, that does not mean I am perfect. That I do not struggle with personal issues, that I do not have problems in my life. It does not mean I am super Christian. It does not mean I do not fall. Just because I do not go into my failings in gory detail here does not mean that I am hiding them or being deceitful about who I am.

Why am I saying this, you ask? Because again, some have said that I am a different person online that I am in person. That sometimes my blogs seem contradictory to my life and relationships offline. And you know what? They just might be right. Because I choose not to air my dirty laundry here in blogland. This blog is a place where I explore my writing, my spirituality, my friendships, my journey toward publication, and connect with others who are doing the same.

I do tend to keep very personal issues offline. I do not share pictures of my husband or child or relatives online. I do tend to spiritualize on my blog. I do tend to try to stay upbeat. But this is me. This is the me I want to be all the time. I am happy when I am here writing and among friends. I like the comraderie. I like the support system...however flimsy and "unreal" it may seem to outsiders. I know you're real. I know if you're here, most of you did not just stumble by, but have taken the time to get to know me...or at least as much as I have allowed you to know me. Does that make the online world a fantasy place where everything is rosy and everything like we wish it would be? Do we build our online worlds to our satisfaction, choosing to leave out the ugly, the cold harsh realities? Some of us do. And then, some of us bear our souls and bleed all over the page with every trial and every tear. Read some of my posts from 2006. You will find moments of doubt, worry, fear. You will find me pulling my hair out over financial situations. You will see me struggling with bitterness. Just because I have chosen not to dwell on that does not mean that I am not still struggling my friend.

The thing about blogging is, is that it's an expression that's fully mine. I have seen people who have four or five blogs, and each blog might have a different theme or relate to different aspects of a person's life. One blog for writing. One blog for hobbies. One blog for personal diary. One blog for witnessing. We are all multi-faceted individuals. Read my blog objectively. Take what you want from it and leave the rest. If you want the gory details of my life, my dirty laundry, I'm sure there are some that will willingly oblige you with them. In fact, in all probability, eventually they will find their way into a post here and there. But if, my friend, you find that I have been silent for a few days--or that something just seems a little "off," then yes...I admit it. It's because I'm having a tough time and didn't want you to know. It's because I'm drawn up in my little cocoon and trying to solve it all on my own. And doing a miserable job of it. It's because I don't want to admit failure to you--or anyone else.

But yes, friends, Christians do have struggles. It is a war zone. A battlefield--most often in the mind. There are battles we win...battles we lose. There are times we disappoint others. And times when we disappoint ourselves. But through it all we, if we are truly His, we love. We forgive. And we help each other up. Thanks for being here. Tune in tomorrow for Worship Wednesday for maybe a more uplifting post. I love you guys.


Delia said...

I completely understand what you mean. I'm the same way. Sometimes, I'm sure, I seem like a different person on my blog than I do in "real" life, but I've never been told that because not many people who know me in "real" life read my blog regularly and those who do understand that I don't share everything. There are many, many things about my life that I don't share on my blog. And a lot of times when I go silent on the blog it's because things are tough at that time in the "real" world, things that I don't want to share and know that if I tried to blog, I'd end up saying too much. I think most bloggers understand that what is on the blog isn't all there is to a person. Or at least I hope they do.

And the friendships I've made through blogging are true friendships. Even though I've never met any of ya'll face to face, ya'll are as real to me and mean as much to me as my friends in the "real" world. I whole heartedly believe that you don't have to see a person's face to love them.

Praying for your Prodigal said...

My dear Cindy,

This is a Pulitzer prize winning post! Not just for blogs--but for life.

We are in this battle with you! That's one of the best reasons to be part of the family of God....no masks of perfection necessary--we already know--there is only one perfect Jesus. And yes, we are in a battle here...but He has already won the Victory....the Victory is ours to share....but the Enemy persists.

As my sons would say--"I've got your back!" And Jesus has got you covered! Rest easy my friend! No need to explain, no need to justify! Whatever your need, I'm praying for you!


Peggy said...

I agree! I have been working a post for over a week trying to say the same thing. I get emails from people that tell me I am trying to be Ms. Perfect with a perfect life. Thanks for stopping by my blog. I love yours and will be back!

C. H. Green said...

Thanks for your input girls. PT2006 says the blogging is good for me. I feel the same way. Hugs...

Gina said...

I can relate. I often wonder if my online friends would actually be my friends in person. I'm not really social or outgoing in person, but online my personality blooms and expands.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for being honest. Many of us feel the same I'm sure. If it is blogging or perhaps with people that are present with us.