Tuesday, February 21, 2006

To Teach or Not to Teach...

This weekend, one of my best friends suggested I start substituting at my son's school, and to work toward getting my Tennessee Teacher's license renewed. I know it was stupid of me to let it lapse. It lapsed in 1994. I had certification for grades 7-12 in English and Psychology. I taught exactly one year of high school English and Spanish in 1989. I wasn't certified to teach the Spanish courses, so it was a very frustrating year. Not to mention the fact that I was 22, and had students in the 9th grade that were 19 years of age and very noncompliant. It was a horrible year. Add to the fact that my dad spent most of that year hospitalized for a degenerative brain disorder, and you have an emotionally bankrupt year. It had lasting repercussions for me.

My present situation has left me wondering if perhaps it is time to get back in the swing of things. It's never too late for a do-over. Things could be so much different this time around. I could even get my Masters degree. Still, I have this nagging fear of failure. I got my degree in Education because I had racked up so many English Lit courses and Psychology courses. I initially wanted to be a psychologist, but figured my scholarship money would run out before I ever got that completed. My counselor at the university advised to go for my teaching credentials. By the time I decided this, I was well into my Junior year. So I did not have time to add all the elementary courses for elementary certification. Therefore, I certified in 7-12.

I enjoyed my student teaching in my own hometown under my ninth grade English teacher, David Wyatt. I had no reason to fear failure. I had never failed at anything in my young life. I graduated with honors from high school so that I could attend college on scholarship money. I graduated college with a 3.8 G.P.A. in the upper ten percent of my graduating class. I was always told I could do anything I set my mind to. I always believed it until that fateful year.

So what am I doing sitting here at home on the computer? I have no explanation. I have applied for over 25 jobs in the last six months. Am I over qualified? Is that why no one calls? Is it because I have short time spans on all the jobs I have had? (I've done everything under the sun--sales, bookkeeping, telecommunications, transcription, and taught preschool.) Is it because I'm overweight? What is holding me back? It must be that I have not found that avenue that is meant to be for me. Am I supposed to go back and try to teach again? Or will that door remain shut as well? I don't know. I am going to the Board of Education this afternoon to find out exactly what I have to do.

I have had several spiritual confirmations about the writing I am doing and sharing, but nothing that has netted me a job offer or any acceptances for publication. I have not given up on that dream. I am still writing daily. I am encouraged by the support of my friends. I have my novel and my blogs. But neither are producing food for the table or paying for the roof overhead.
I have exactly 3 more weeks of unemployment. I don't know if I can get an extension on that or not. I'd rather be working and contributing. We're not dead beats. Life has just thrown us some serious curves.

So be in prayer about all this. God has a plan for me. I want to do whatever He wants me to do.
Most of all I need some peace of mind. I'm glad that I have prayer partners here that know how to reach the heart of God. I'll let you know what I find out. Have a great day everyone!

3 comments:

March St. Ives said...

Do you read Guideposts magazine? My father gives me a subscription to it every year. Just before Christmas this year the feature story was about a (now) well published author, Debbie Macomber. Her stories of fiction are so sweet. In the magazine she talked about just this very thing, how she had been trying to break into the writing field and wasn't helping her husband out financially very much. She felt that she was going to have to go back to work, but her heart just wasn't in it. So she prayed about what to do. Her husband finally came to her and said, Debbie, your a better person when you write. I believe in you. We'll make it somehow. I'd be happy to send you that story or maybe you could just log into Guideposts.com and find something on it. Debbie Macomber also has a web site you can go to. I'll be praying for you.

Dana said...

I am in the same boat, honey and I can tell you that a year ago I was frustrated, unhappy, homesick and worth nothing in my eyes. I started blogging and even though I am not making money with my writing yet, I am getting some of my works out there and getting great feedback.

I am learning.

You should come by USA Deep South (www.usadeepsouth.com) and join us on the message boards. I also have some other links on my blog for writers (Long Story Short - the people there are serious about their writing and are a strong support system for me. I joined the writing critique group there and am learning lots)

Thanks for coming by my blog. I am glad I could make you laugh a little. Come on back now, ya hear?

Lisa said...

Keep praying!! God will show you the way!!

-Lisa