Friday, June 13, 2008

The D Word

I know I haven't visited and commented on your blogs. I have been a bit preoccupied with the separation going on. I still cannot wrap my mind around the "D" word, and so I will cloak it with a kind euphemism for now. When your entire world is turned upside down, it takes a while to get your bearings.

I have mixed feelings about airing my dirty laundry here. And then again, I think that by now the faithful few who are still reading are truly interested and care. So I stop by and update you. And this also helps as a kind of therapy.

For the record, I was the one who chose to leave and chose to file. It was not an easy decision, nor a hasty one. I felt it was my last option--my last hope for change. To stop the downward spiral, the bleeding that was draining me of life, no mere tourniquet would suffice. Too much damage had occurred.

Now we could play the blame game all day long, but the truth of the matter is it takes 2 to make a marriage, and 2 to cause a split. One morning I woke up and did not want to get out of bed. I just wanted to cover my head and pretend the world did not exist. And it was then it dawned on me--that this is what my husband has done for the past 3 years. (And I have asked him recently, "So how's that workin' for ya?" ) Doing nothing was not the answer. Not an option for me. Something had to be done. And soon. So you can call it running all you want, but I know the truth. I'm facing life head on. It is not something I relish doing--would rather not have had to do. But I'm going into it with my eyes open and my head on straight. And I'm going to be okay. Eventually.

Remember us in your prayers. The three of us. This is a drastic adjustment. Bub and I need to get our acts together. Whether we are married or separated. There is this wonderful, beautiful life we created. And he needs us. Both of us. He is the one thing we did right. So we definitely don't want to screw it up now. Thanks for letting me unload here. I will get back to your blogs eventually. Love to all. Cyn

2 comments:

Diane said...

Cindy,

I am so glad for the strength you have found. And I need to add....the loving spirit that remains. You may have lost a bit of yourself....but you didn't lose that!

I continue to pray for your daily---for your entire family. I'm so glad that things are settling down--you have made the world stop spinning and standing balanced and strong. Way to go!

Bless you!

Diane

Delia said...

I'm sending you lots of cyber (((hugs))) and praying for you all.