Why I Do It

Lately I've read several blogs from people who seem disgruntled with their blogging experience, and in fact, are vowing to take a break and give it up. And I don't know if it's school starting back or this disenchantment with blogging, but readership has fallen in the last few weeks. I'll be the first to say it makes me happy to notice new comments and new readers. But that is not the be all and end all of my blogging experience. If it were, I'd be in bad shape. I'm here because (And this sounds very vain) I need to be. I need this outlet in my life.

I blog for the same reasons I write. Because there's a part of me that needs to get the words out. A part of me that needs to express myself. And part of it being published on the internet is to prove to myself that I can. I can express myself. I don't have to hide my thoughts and feelings inside a box in the closet anymore. Yes, I'm writing novels. And yes, I find it wonderful that I can converse with so many different people. Yes, I find it extremely gratifying that I can put my story out here and maybe, just maybe it . I might touch someone else, might help someone else. Might encourage someone to make it one more day. Do I want to be published as a novelist? You bet. But my reasons for publication are personal. Do I want my name and books to be on the lips of every American? I shudder at the thought. If you knew the me I know, you would know that being here is not natural for me. It goes against the grain. I get the urge to run every time I open up the screen to type. Because people are looking. But it's something I HAVE TO GET OVER. And so, I write publicly. I write from the heart. Just as there is no fame locked away in nightstand drawers and on the back of overdue bills (see profile), there is no glory to the Creator in keeping a talent hid. There's no logic in hiding when it's my calling. It's what I give back to Him.

There's no shame in wanting to share. There's no shame in wanting more traffic, more hits, more friends, more readers. What is a shame is that sometimes the blogging community becomes a big competition for said readers, hits, and sadly, friends. Sometimes the blogging community can get ugly and catty and painfully spiritually shallow. No, your blog doesn't have to be a revival tent meeting whereby you preach from the podium and compel them to come in from the hedges and highways. Nor does it have to be a place where you feel you have to fit the mold, follow the leader, return comments out of politeness, etc. etc. ad nauseum.

When I write, I don't worry about who I'm impressing. I don't worry about entertaining. If you enjoy what I write, great. If not, then please feel free to surf elsewhere. This "soul bleeding" here is exactly that. It's where I pour it all out. Well, obviously not all of it. Otherwise we'd be here 'til Jesus comes. I'm not doing this JUST to be published. I'm doing it because I HAVE to.
And even as I sit here today and post this, I'm wondering why it is that I feel the need to defend myself or justify my reasons --or say anything for that matter.

Well, because you're here. And it's important for me to say that you're not here because you're being used. If I've made you feel that way, then I truly apologize. You're here because you want to be for whatever reason. And that, my friend, makes me smile.