Little Eyes and Big Ears

My son came home from school this week talking about his girlfriend Sarah Grace. My son is six. He is in kindergarten. He frequently tells me he has at least three girlfriends. Sarah Grace is his favorite--at school. He has a different favorite at church. Men.

I hadn't really thought about how much my grumbling and complaining had really affected him until this week. My husband and I have talked openly about our financial situation and our job situation and all sorts of things--in front of him. We especially talk about our finances when we go to Wal-Mart, and the subject of new toys comes up. Seems my son always has money but never brings it with him. They learn fast. His granddaddy and great grandparents and other family members are always handing him cash. We've talked about hard times so much lately that I fear he is becoming a hoarder. In fact, we have talked--let me rephrase that--I have talked entirely too much.

We were discussing his relationship with this little Sarah Grace when my son says to me,
"You know what I told her mom?"

"No, son. What did you tell her?

"I told Sarah Grace that she could be my wife. But that I don't want her hollering at me about not having any money, because I got plenty of money."

Oh the shame.

My next question: "When did you have this discussion?"

"At school today."

"In front of the teacher?"

"No, I don't think she was listening."

Whew ...

Ms. Tiffany may not have been listening, but I know a little boy that sure was. God help me to be a better role model for my son. Help me to be a better wife to my husband and stop putting all the blame on his shoulders. God help me to watch what I say and how I say it, for it is shaping the life of a future husband and father. I want my son to remember us being content with the blessings of life that we do have. I don't want him to remember a bitter old woman who harped on money--or the lack of it. When my miracle arrives, you can bet I will praise You in front of Him. My son will know from whence cometh my help. My son will know who his provider is. The buck stops here.

26,872 Words and Counting

I'm wondering if I have that many words left in me, but time will tell. I've got a couple of paragraphs done on Chapter Twelve. Looks like there are roughly six more chapters to go, maybe seven. At an average of 2500 words each, that makes about 17,500 more, for a total of about 45,000 words. Is that enough I wonder? I've never written a novel. Is that even close to 200 pages? Does the length really matter? Should I just concentrate on getting the story down and stop worrying? Yes, I think that is what I should do. I'm sure in the end I will have added and subtracted plenty. Any of you writers out there have any suggestions or advice? Any words of knowledge or experience to add? I welcome your thoughts. At least I've started back. I know I can't not finish this.

A Golden Lesson

For the last four years, my son and I have attended (usually with Daddy along, but Daddy had to work this year) a Pinewood Derby sponsored by the church's Royal Rangers groups. This year my son's winning streak came to an abrupt end. His golden hot rod decorated with Hot Wheel stickers did not place. No matter how much you tell them that they are still a winner, it's still hard to see that look of disappointment on their face when it happens. Our conversation went something like this:

"Mom, I know I'm not going to win anything this year."

"I'm sorry, son. But someone has to lose. Look around you. There are lots of other boys who didn't win either. I bet they feel bad too. But they are still having fun, and you have a great car to take home."

"I know."

"We'll beat 'em next year, son." Hugs.

There were no tears, thankfully. I think that would have broken my heart. And as disappointed as I was, I know that it was as good a time as any for my son to learn the facts of life about good sportsmanship. He and I also got a good look at how it feels to be on the other side of the fence. Hopefully he and I both learned something about compassion and humility.

I was thinking about the position I have found myself in lately--such a humbling, and yes, even at times,humiliating position. It's easy to be smiling and cheerful when you're in the winner's circle. But how much more compassionate and humble do we become when we find ourselves in that spot where we never dreamed we would land? We find ourselves identifying with those in our own predicament--those we possibly criticized before. Now, after finding ourselves on the other side of the fence, we realize how hard a pill it is to swallow. We find ourselves wishing we had been a bit more modest about our earlier successes...a little less prideful. We realize how little we really have even given to help the cause of those less fortunate around us. We become more grateful when someone pauses to help us as we struggle back to the top.

Yes, every boy and girl that attended today was a winner just for showing up and trying. The real test of each one's car was not necessarily how fast it ran against the competition. There have been years when certain cars did not even make it all the way down the track. The real test is crossing the finish line. We must run this race to finish. If our neighbor falters, we must encourage him to go on. If our neighbor stalls, we must do what we can to help him get back on the right track and move ahead. We're in this thing together. Yes, it is important that we run our race to the best of our ability--to give our absolute best in service to the Lord. Yes, we may have bumpy roads, breakdowns, and false starts where we have to start completely over at the beginning, but the important goal is to cross that finish line and hear our Lord and Master say, "Well done." How blessed we are that to be in the family of God is to be victorious--in this life and the life to come.

This Week

I've put off posting this week hoping that I would have good news to report. It's Friday, and we still haven't heard from my husband's latest interview. Of course our hopes are raised with each one, but I think this position is one he really wants. He tried to call the company and was told they have been in meetings all week. Maybe this is a good thing. Maybe they are just ironing out the details of the offer. Please pray. We have been in limbo all week. It is so nerve wracking.

On a brighter note, we went to my son's school last night for his Spring musical. The children performed songs and dances from around the world: Scotland, Africa, England, Japan, and France. My son had a speaking part and did fantastic. He was dressed as a tourist in his Elvis t-shirt, sunglasses, shorts and tennis shoes. He wore a lei and a pair of binoculars around his neck. He made me slick his blonde hair up like Elvis's. I wasn't sure about this, but I did it anyway. He looked adorable of course. All the children did an excellent job, and I was a very proud mama. This was the highlight of my week. Somehow children have a way of helping you forget all your troubles. We filmed it. And yes, I got the part where he looked out to find us with his binoculars and waved.

Have a great weekend. I'll keep you posted.

Novel Update--Stalled

I seem to be stalled out at Chapter 12. I have left off working on it for a couple of weeks, thinking that I just needed a rest. I fear I may have lost interest, but today when I opened the files, the story hooked me back in. I just need more details than I have. One of these days I am going to take a day trip down to Linden and sit on the court square. I know it will all come to me then. Right now, the cares of the daily grind are priority. Still, eleven chapters in three months is nothing to sneeze at. I know I can finish this before the end of the year. That's my goal. To have my novel written this year.

For those of you interested in the plot, I will post a brief sampling:

The old truck rattled as it hit a pot hole here and there on the gravel side road they had turned onto from the paved road that they had traveled for maybe ten minutes. Once they had cleared town, Catfish had allowed Beth back into her seat. She had finally summoned the courage to ask where they were headed, but he had ignored her request. She could not wait to get wherever it was; she had needed go the restroom ever since they had stopped at the river. Her head ached, and the nausea was still threatening to turn into vomiting. By this time, she did not care where he was taking her; she was just thankful to be alive still. She had a notion that if he really intended to kill her, he would have done so back at the river. So maybe she still had a chance to get away with her life. She hoped and prayed that she did. Whatever was awaiting her back home would be a picnic compared to this.

The were travelling a gravel road that paralleled the Buffalo River. Beth could see it below between the trees and brush beyond the valley on the driver’s side. The were climbing a steep embankment, and Catfish had to put the truck into low gear to make the hill. When they reached the top, the land flattened out somewhat, the trees parted, and before them lay the kingdom of Phineas Jones. Directly ahead Beth saw what appeared to be a mobile home, although it was so rough and weathered that it could easily be mistaken for abandoned. It was small, maybe fourteen feet by seventy, and a faded salmon color with faded black shutters. The underpinning had been torn off around most of the foundation, and a few chickens ran out from under while being chased by a mangy looking half-breed dog, who upon seeing Catfish’s truck pull in, ran to greet him with his tail wagging. The front storm door was missing, and there were concrete blocks for steps.

There were old vehicle parts strewn about the yard along with tires and tools and garbage. A fifty-five gallon blue drum sat beside the front door, and was full of briny water. A crude clothes line hung out beside the trailer and was strung between two trees. Beyond that was the remains of a garden plot trodden down with the tomato sticks still sticking up from the ground, and rags hanging from the dead vines.The grass was brown and patchy with muddy spots in odd places. Plastic covered the windows, but had been blown loose by the wind on the end and was flapping in the January wind. Set against the backdrop of the grey skies of winter, the scene was bleak and cheerless.

"Well, missy, I reckon we’uns is home. Now ain’t no use’n hollerin’. Ain’t nobody around for miles this time of year. I’m still good fer my promise of throwin’ ya in the river yonder if’n you’ns don’t behave."

Beth nodded weakly. "Is there a bathroom in there? I have to pee really bad."

"Of course there’s a bathroom in there. What do you think this is, the Stone Age. To yer right inside the door, and first left. And no funny business."

They made their way up the concrete steps. Beth entered slowly, not sure of what she might encounter. The stench hit her nostrils before she was two steps inside, the smell of animal waste, human waste, and stale smoke--spoiled food and rotten garbage. She felt her stomach lurch as she hurried down the hall. She flipped the switch for the bathroom and heaved into the toilet, which was black and yellowed and unspeakably nasty. When she was finished, she tried to flush, but nothing happened. She lifted the back off the toilet. No water was running. She turned the faucet in the sink, nothing came out.

"You don’t have any water," she yelled to Catfish.

"Course there’s water. Look in the five gallon bucket in the shower."

Beth pulled back the nasty shower curtain and there sat a five gallon bucket half full of the briny water. She lifted it out of the tub and poured it into the back of the toilet and flushed. She then urinated, and found no paper.

"There’s no paper," she shouted.

"I know. I’ll have to make a trip into town tomorrow. Use the catalog or drip dry. Best I can do."

Elizabeth’s mind was reeling. How could a human live in these conditions. She felt dirty and grimy, and now she had to drip dry. She longed for a shower and clean clothes, and then she remembered that she was wearing the only clean outfit she had brought with her. Her dirty clothes were in the truck. She cleaned up the best she could and went back to the living room.

"What am I supposed to do for clean clothes?"

"I got a flannel shirt you can sleep in. Tomorrow you can haul some river water up here to wash your dirty clothes with. I’ll make a fire and heat some water in the kettle. Then you can boil ‘em and scrub ‘em and hang ‘em on the line to dry. And unless you’re fond of wading in a cold river in January, I suggest you learn to wear ‘em a few days, seeing how you only got two changes. You musta’ left home in a hurry. And where’d you get all this here cash, get caught stealin’?"

"I’m not a thief. Or a liar and kidnapper," she spat back. "What are you going to do with me, just keep me out here in the wilderness for some kind of slave?"

"I ain’t decided jest yet. You best be watchin’ that sharp tongue. Old Catfish might jest cut it out with this here bowie knife." He took a long-bladed knife off the bar and pointed it toward her. "This here will skin a buck quicker than you can say ‘Jack Rabbit."

Tornadoes in Tennessee

I was up late last night keeping an eye on the weather. My little weather dog started in scratching the door around 8 p.m. I knew there were strong storms predicted. My oldest sister, Carla and her husband had brought my son home from a weekend of visiting. ( It was soooo nice to have a weekend alone with my husband.) They left just as the storms started. I worried about them til they called me back saying they made it. Today at least 23 families in Tennessee are grieving the loss of family members and trying to put their lives and homes back together. They are all in our prayers today as we grieve with them. Other states had destruction and loss of life as well. Put those families on your prayer list. They are in for a long road ahead. As I am learning through my experiences, sometimes life hands you painful situations. It is up to us in how we respond to them.

If He has allowed a storm to brew in your life today, allow it to strengthen you and bring you closer to Him. God is not happy to see us suffer, but He always delights in our growth as we progress through the trial. Sometimes our suffering is not about us...it's part of a bigger plan that we cannot see. We are not omniscient. Who knows the reason some things happen? Sometimes it is not about bringing us to our knees, but bringing others to theirs.

These tragedies have a way of bringing communities and families together. They have a way of bringing out the best in folks that might have otherwise forgotten how to share and care and love their neighbor. It's hard to see the good in destruction and yes, even death. But there is always something you can find to thank Him for, if you look beyond the pain of the situation. Sometimes it takes weeks or months, even years to see past it. But hold on. Put your trust in Him. We are grieving with you families. You are in our prayers. May you feel His peace lifting you above the storm.
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I want to wish my nephew Carson a Happy 2nd Birthday today! You've come along way baby, and Aunt "Dindy" loves you.

Thank God for the Broken Roads

RASCAL FLATTS LYRICS

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

[Chorus:]Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

[Chorus:]Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
Now I'm just rollin' home into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you.

I can't get this song out of my head today. I sat out on my patio listening to the sweet song of the birds that are returning. I saw the first gorgeous yellow and black butterfly of the season flitting among the buttercups. The sky overhead was bright and welcoming. My answer is coming. I feel it in the breeze. And whatever brokenness that I had to endure, God blessed this broken road that led me straight to Him.

Fighting the Good Fight

The sun is sinking behind my shoulder. What an awesome day to be alive in God's world. Spring has sprung here in Tennessee, and soon we will have to do something about that grass growing. Last winter I was wondering if we would even be in this house for another spring. But we are here. For one more day we have survived. No one has foreclosed. No one has repossessed. I still feel the wolf howling at my door. I still wonder what each new day will bring. I still struggle to keep my faith alive. And yet, I'm still here--still wearing that sign that a fellow blogger, Mary, talks about, "Work In Progress" upon my back.

I know I'm not perfect. So many unbelievers expect us Christians to have it all together. They watch and wait for us to slip up, to fail, to sin. I know people are watching to see what my reaction to these trials are. And I know that they are going to see days when I sadly fail. There are days, yes, when I hang my head and cry. I am human. I have not arrived yet. I am just like you, unbeliever--except for the Hope I have within. If not for Christ, there would be no hope. If not for Christ, I might have overdosed by now--or killed myself driving drunk. No, I am not a drug user. But who knows where I might be today--if not for Christ.

I struggle with fear and anger. I struggle with envy and bitterness. These are the things that Christ is working to perfect in me daily. I struggle with feelings of worthlessness, yet I know that in Christ I am a new creation. I have to remind myself that I am the apple of His eye. I have all the same emotions as you. Christ was tempted in all points, as we. Yet he was sinless.
Today I stopped and asked him how he managed to overcome that carnal nature. His answer: Sacrifice. He sacrificed his entire being. He totally gave Himself up to the will of His father. It was not an easy life. He was betrayed by even His closest friends. And I think I have been wronged...No, my friend. We don't know what it means to be literally crucified.

I am struggling with many fears today as I write this. If you have read my blog very much, you know that it is, indeed, a rollercoaster for me. Up one day. Down the next. When you pray, remember me. If you have requests, leave them here. I will pray. Together we will win this battle for God's glory. Have a good night all.

One Day At a Time

Lamentations 3:24
"Deep in my heart I say, "The Lord is all I need; I can depend on him!"

This and That

I know this has been a really heavy month. Some of the posts have probably been a bit difficult for you to read, seeing as I share all my trials and tribulations here. But please don't stop coming by friends. I haven't forgotten how to have fun. Things will get better; you'll see.

I visit some of my friend's blogs when I am feeling blue, and they seem to do the trick. Southern Gal Goes North always seems to brighten my days, if you want to check out her blog. I also visit Holy Mama's blog regularly. She describes herself as "a sorta shallow Christian mom." I know she's not really shallow, she just likes to visit the fun side of life in her blog. Lisa and Diane both have great blogs, which I have linked to in the sidebar. My friend, JL has a men's blog that is really great (I peeked.) So some of you men who find my ramblings boring might check out his site. Queen of Hearts is another literary blog. She has interests that match mine, and I'm so glad we found something to share here.

I have been criticized lately for spending so much time in front of the computer blogging, instead of getting out and exercising. I have always enjoyed exercising my brain more than my body. It is no secret that I struggle with being overweight. I particulary enjoyed JL's most recent post pertaining to this, though. Men, it is important to edify the women in your life. Don't tear them down. Build them up. I deserved the criticism from my dear cousin. I sort of "belittled" those that go to the gym. But I was wrong in that. It was a way of making myself feel better for not going--to assuage my guilt. You go to the gym all you want. It's paying off, and you're looking great. And you will live much longer. I can't say that I have the will or determination to be that disciplined, much less lose over a 125 lbs. in a year. Tim, I am so proud of you. I do publicly apologize. If I could move you to Paris to motivate me daily, I would. I think it's awesome that you have a new lease on life. Gals, he's single and looking good. If you want his info, let me know.

Kudos to my sister as well, who has lost over 40 lbs. Way to go. I'm wearing that blue sweater of yours today. And yes, it does get bigger every time you wear it. But that's good for me.

Here's a survey that might keep you busy til I post again:

1) What is your favorite ethnic food? Mine: Italian.
2) What is your favorite comfort food? Mine: Mac N Cheese ( My granny's recipe)
3) Tell one of your most embarrassing moments: Me: Which one of my many falls do you want to hear about? The one at Dunkin Donuts? Or the time I tumbled down the stairs at the Opryland Hotel on a Senior trip with a skirt on?
4) Tell of a memorable adventure: Me: Climbing out of the cliff dwellings in New Mexico and crying the whole time, thinking I was going to fall off the cliff and die. (Because I'm so clumsy, it was a real fear.)
5) What is your favorite holiday movie? Me: There are so many. It's a Wonderful Life.
6) If your house caught on fire, what, besides your family or pets, would you save first? Me: I would try to drag my photos out. But I have so many of those. Maybe my disk with my work on it. Oh, and the box where I kept all my journals all these years.
7) Favorite comedy? Me: Lately I've been watching reruns of Friends, Roseanne (which isn't particularly fit to watch, but reminds me so much of me and my hubby), and I Love Lucy never fails.
8) Favorite drama: Me: Addicted to CSI and Law and Order.
9) Favorite flower: Ivory roses.
10) Favorite time of year: Summer.